A Healing Journey To Live Again
Hello my friends,
My story continues…🌻
In the end of 2014 I was put on permanent disability… It was very hard for me to grasp because I was always a go go go person, I still am… yet my income became a quarter of what I was accustomed too and it was a tough road, yet my middle son Michael (my mini me) helped me get through it emotionally and physically and on January 1, 2015 when my rehabilitation therapy began, my son and I decided we were going to save for a van, convert it to live in and travel all over the states to all the beautiful places we both wanted to see. We, (my children and I) are all dirt loving, tree hugging, nature, travel and lovers of life people 😊🌻
We chose my birthday September 10, 2015 to begin our adventure after all my physical therapy ended. Giving us time to save and find a cargo van we could covert. 🌻
Michael had just turned 24 in October 2014 and was the only one of my children still living at home (my middle child) It was his choice and I was fine with it because he had a heart condition since birth and always wanted to stay close to me. 🌻
On July 30th 2015 he came into my room and said he didn’t feel good that his heart hurt. I of course jumped up to take him to the hospital and he turned to me and said “No mom… I want to go out of this world the same way I came in, in your arms!” I was shocked and if course said no Michael… He looked at me and said “It’s ok mom there is no end, I’m just going on a different journey!” He passed in my arms that night. 😢😢
I made a promise to him that I would continue our plans and sprinkle a little of his ashes at every place we planned to see and as of today I have not been able to do so. I was not ready to let go, I was not ready at all 😢
On his birthday last year in tears I asked God and the universe why Michael? Why not me?… I was a mess, angry and so hurt, ready to give up and then I heard it… “Mom start writing again and go live our dream, your dream… It’s ok mom, I’m ok… It’s time for you to live.” It was his voice and there isn’t a soul on this planet that could convince me otherwise, it was my son, my Michael. That is when I stated writing again. Michael loved my quotes and use to tell me to write more as he was a writer too… My mini me 😊 that’s when I knew what I needed to do for him and for me.
My writing is a reflection of what I’m going through at that very moment and what I’m working on myself. I don’t prewrite any of my quotes, they come to me first thing in the morning and at night usually and after finding the closest piece of paper and pen, I write them down, make them pretty and post them. They are like little reminders I get throughout my day. A reminder to self, and what has been helping me heal over the past 6 months.
This has been the hardest 20 months of my life and for the first 14 months I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to get past my loss, my pain. I still have very hard days, yet writing has truly saved my life and I’m learning that what I write helps others too and that is helping me heal in many ways. It’s not going to be an easy journey, yet I’m learning and will continue to learn how to carry this. I know the pain won’t ever go away, yet I will learn how to carry it lighter, smile, laugh and move on with my life.
I’ve decided to continue saving for a van so I can keep my promise and more importantly live again as I know that’s what he would want too and and as soon as I can get a van, I shall 🌻
I’m ready to keep my promise to my both of us, travel around the country sprinkling his ashes at all the beautiful places we wanted to see and I’m ready to live again and because of the connection and the love in my heart I know I’ll be ok…
Love never leaves you, it never ever dies… Love out lasts us all!💓💓💓💓💓
This is my story… A journey made from the biggest love of all, the love for my child….My healing journey has begun…. I AM ready
💓🙏 Ricci 🙏💓